The trend seems to be clear: wondering about your sexuality? Start a blog to work out all your frustrations, concerns, and anything else going on in your life. I have another personal blog but thought for what I wanted to say a new blog would be best.
I have spent the past few days/week exploring some suppressed feelings that I've had since about the 7th grade. I re opened the file labeled "gay/curious?" a few weeks ago while watching a documentary with friends. We watched “For the Bible Tells Me So" during documentary Tuesdays at the Wesley (a Methodist student center on campus).
It chronicled the lives of two men and two women and their homosexuality. They all come from families with strong Christian backgrounds and most were children of clergy. After watching that I remembered thinking absently "So I can be gay now!?" Though the question of "gay or straight" has been on my mind for a long time I had previously rationalized that I was straight and any attraction to guys was, a phase I guess. Now I began to think about how I actually felt. Even as I type this I am realizing what I am saying and kinda freaking myself out.
So some analysis on the question of my sexuality as brought back to light by the afore mentioned documentary.
- I have never had a serious relationship with a girl. Heck the only time I've been close enough and kissed a girl was a stage kiss my senior year of high school during a play. Side note, I hated her for being a diva and trying to direct me on stage. Therefore the kiss was gross through her mountains of lip-gloss and dry lips. I casually "dated" a girl from another high school my senior year but never made any kind of move.
- **EDITED**
- I am currently crushing on a friend of mine. SHE and I have known each other since we were young and I have only recently thought about making a move on her. Come to find out, like yesterday she started dating this guy. Let me just say, while I'm not near as hot or as fit as say....Michel Phelps, I am WAY hotter that the douche looking guy she is with now. So while that is kind of a downer for me I wonder if I am "bi curious" or full on gay?
- The female body. I don't get it. Maybe because I haven't hooked up with a girl before or maybe it speaks to my attraction to guys but ladies bodies are far from my mind. ***Edited***. Like really, ***Edited***......just grossness. ***Edited***, I just am not all that interested.
- On the other hand...MEN. The thought however ***Edited***. I find that the male body when even in decent condition is 10X more appealing. Maybe it is the perceived "strong man" thing or that I can identify with it because I'm a guy. But when one of my guy friends (who is straight) gives me a hug hello, I feel all warm inside like that's how things are supposed to be. Side note: he's a looker and usually does a "sneak attack" hug so I don't see it coming and.....well who doesn't like a hug :)
So those are some points and describe, fairly well where I'm at right now. I know that I'm at least bisexual and feel that bisexuality is really just a cop out to saying that one is gay. I hope that this blog will help flesh things out and I can get my head on straight.
Well time for bed and some dreams........................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-E
Just some eye candy from the net.
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