And again might I remind you...

You decided this.

-E

And within 5 hours of my roommate being home, we've hooked up.....oh bother.....

Look so nasty in those khakis

I've started to harden my heart again.

Sitting at work, mustering up the strength to overcome my laziness and leave. Sometimes this can be a long process due to the relative comfort of AC I am now enjoying.
Regina Spektor plays as I contemplate emotions.
So as one could surmise from my recent entries Adam has once again abandoned our relationship.

"I just can't..."

That was all I got at the onset of him telling me we..... telling me that HE could no longer continue being with me.

From then on I only remember yelling. Not screaming, but keeping a constant raised tone of voice. By this time it had dropped an octave and was preventing Reminding him of exactly what he was doing, and how my mind was slowly crumbling under the weight of his words.

"Do you remember telling me ' If it comes to that, I'll choose you over my family.'!

"So this is what I get -

for coming back to you -

yet again giving you my heart -

only to watch you break it once more?!"

Break for now.

Decided to head home after I get a new bike tire.

-E

You don't get to tell me you love me and do what you did. Oh these nights & mornings. Oh my heart.

I think I Can, I think....

Here is sit afterwork mustering the strength to make the trek home.

A few days ago my rear bike tire blew out and I have yet to get a replacement. So in the mean time when I can't catch the bus I walk to work.

The thought spurring this post was "I think i'll call Adam". Then at the exact same moment remembering "Oh yeah, he refuses to have contact with me.

I wrote a letter that I plan on sending to him sometime in the next day or so. I attempted to convey to him how I feel day to day
and the confused state my heart finds itself in. I am also mailing back some clothes and other personal things I can no longer have in my life.

So yeah. We'll see how that goes.

In other news I have gone out the past two nights and have LOVED it!
last night found me at Paradise (which friends call parasite). They were hosting a block party and though hesitant at first my friend Peter coaxed me out. I ended up having a good time.

The club is known for it's GOGO boys which did not disappoint. While there Peter introduced me to a guy he has been seeing. Rob would be considered a bear....or bear cub? What I mean to say is that petite 5'2" Peter has a preference for larger men. Rob is cute and fun but standing next to Peter well....they are an odd couple but happy with each other


Lastly I am making the blog public. Not that I want more foot traffic, rather I have no reason now to have it private.

Today is a good day. Hopefully I will update more.
Though my writing is speratic and odd I find blogging cathartic and a nice release.

OH YEAH! Prop8 ruled unconstitutional! My fave video so far via That's Gay

-E

And with that

I am single again.

An update to come in the near future. For now just a lot of hurt and not confusion on how things got to where they are.

For now a song by Roby and snoop.

"don't fuck with me"

Robyn - "U Should Know Better" (Featuring Snoop Dogg) by Some Kind of Awesome