Fall/Winter 2015

Transgender Day Or Rememberance happened a few days past.
The number of women taken from their communities is staggering.
In my life I'm venturing more into my queer self as it concerns daily presentation
of self. Through clothing that drapes over shoulders and tightly accents neck lines
And face colours defying workplace norms. I am also learning of individual histories
From Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore to Janet Mock, their compelling experiences
as women and non conforming women are power to this young queer.
----
Winter is here and grey grey grey. Better than years past and still heavy as I walk.
Biking is easier with new additions that keep the wet off my back. Work is still hole
and the food along with it.

My partner. The phrase I've been using to signify seven months has also brought struggle
And clarity. I feel full as myself and am able to pour into another. This is the opposite of regressive.
This has helped, dare I say he has been restorative.


@ryleyrayne on Instagram

"In recognition of loving lies an answer to despair"
Audre Lorde
'Zami: a new spelling of my name'

Here

I live in portland

Oregon. 

Breathe

Breathe in

Breathe

Breathe deep

Breathe

Don't forget to feel

Free writing and caffeine help to ease things and provide perspective.

I wrote a letter to one then two now three dear friends and I'm contemplating the next thing.

Booze? 

NSA thoughts about how every keystroke is stored? 

Robot penises and medicinal queso? 

Old man with a boy inside.

"I knowed it by myself"

-ATWABA

When Tomorrow Comes

Blog Blog Blerg

I live in Portland Oregon these days. I am nearly 26 years on this ball of dust. I am much more wise and all the more ignorant than when last I wrote. 

I am a little over two week single and am full of thoughts and feelings. I also write this full of cinnamon laden caffeine. 

The Pacific Northwest is a thing of beauty which everyone should see. To see a mountain peak off in the distance -whenever there aren't grey clouds hiding it- replaces my words with emotion. Arriving the first of June was spectacular. Spring was giving way to summer and everything was alive. Blackberries, strawberries, grapes, apples, pears all grew wild. Rosemary and lavender dot the yards of every plot in portland. It's was magical. 

Now comes the season that Boston prepared me for: WINTER. The skills I'll use won't be battling snow dunes to make the bus on time but rather wrestling with grey skies and depression. 

This is the perfect time to have your first self imposed break up right? Just before thanksgiving and christmas? Just when everyone is hunkering down with someone to hold? 

I am unsure of the future. I am questioning everything and still I am suspicious of my commitment to finding actual answers. 

I live in Portland Oregon these days, and it's just as much here as anywhere else is. 

-Ethan

Listening to jonsi and sea wolf. 
"no one knows you" god that's depressing. Not sure he means that in a literal sense. The song is called 'sinking friendships' anywho. 

Thoughts on relationships 9/24/11

I've kind of always felt this way I guess. 

The chance at companionship is a chance I'm always willing to take. The benefits outweigh the risks. In the now three relationships I've had during my life I went into them thinking wow they like me and I like them and could totes see myself settling down with them.

 So why not go for it and along the way realize that you care about them much more than you could have imagined and let that compound into Love. 

All the while check up on things, try and talk yourself out of it, self doubt is healthy. If that comes back saying little or no doubt then go right ahead on with your current course. 

                     (still a little high btw)


As one may have guessed I've started a new relationship. Long distance. Something I've experience with. 

Phillip is his name, we've known each other about a year and have been 'official' for a little over a week. 

He'll be visiting for new years and I plan to see him while home fir Christmas. 


Stay tuned. 

-Ethan