From ADELE to Fleet Foxes

Things change - music still serves to communicate feelings

Previous relationship ideals were summed up in Adele's 'Daydreamer'.
Matter of fact, wishful and perfect.

After listening to that and wiping away the foreign tears that filled my eyes I remembered why I had left that song in the past. It screamed Adam and the complications that relationship had. I'm no longer there.

A replacement has arisen as replacements do (dvd not vhs. big cars not matchbox).

That replacement being the following song. Non specific in it's messaging and open for interpretation with the resounding line.

'You only you, you know'






-Ethan

ADELE 21

Pre-ordered her album on itunes, then went and found it on the web. So good to be right now.

'Set fire to the rain' is my new fave.

-Ethan

And in the mean time...A song blog

I really enjoy Adele have posted about her a bit before.
She sums up my tendencies and current state in one of her songs.
After reading over the lyrics, there is actually just one paragraph that I most identify with.
You'll find those words in italics.

Thanks for reading,
~sigh~
-E
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Melt my Heart to Stone
-ADELE


Right under my feet there's air made of bricks
Pulls me down turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I'm forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up You say my name like there could be an us I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love I'm the only one in love

Each and every time I turn around to leave
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You've burnt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up You say my name like there could be an us I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love I'm the only one in love

Why do you steal my hand
Whenever I'm standing my own ground
You build me up, then leave me dead

Well I hear your words you made up So I say your name like there could be an us I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love I'm the only one in love

Someone to talk to

To wake up to that in the morning?
A guy can wish can't he?


Another Day
Lately, since coming to the conclusion that I'm most likely bi or gay (still hard to say...) I have felt a longing to tell someone. Even though I am not 100% about things I have had urges while talking to friends to blurt out "I LIKE GUYS" or "I WANNA STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND" Just as ice breakers of course. Although this blog will be helpful, speaking with a real live person is so much more cathartic and helpful. One of my cousins would be someone I think I can talk to. She is a gorgeous lady a few months younger than me. She lives in NC and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't freak if I talked to her about what I'm feeling.

I have read other blogs about people struggling with being gay and closeted. Those people have usually come out to a close friend even if that's just to have someone to talk to. This "thing" is pretty big and I think if I keep it to myself any longer I am gonna freak.

Something else I haven't mentioned yet is the fact that I'm a follower of Christ- a Christian.
Talk about another wrench in things. I have heard of gay Christians before, usually in the context of " he used to be gay, and now he's an 'ex gay'" I mean really people. If this is the way I am then....this is who I am. One of the worst things one can do is tell someone that the most sensitive and personal things about them is "in their head" or " just a sinful behavior." I will confess that I used to be one of those people.

I recently read one of my old journal postings which reads: "On a more serious note the stupid notion that I might (choose to) be gay is out of the question and not possible. First of all it is a choice and a sin. Secondly it is gross. Thirdly the only reason I ever entertained the idea is because I was looking for love and thought I might find it there...that is all."

Wow. I don't think that way any longer and feel sorry for the guy who wrote that. He was in a tough place and pretty scared. I mean to write a self assuring entry such as that only underscores what kind of pain I had and was pushing deeper and deeper inside.

Well that's about it for now. I think I'll sign off now and call that cousin of mine. Hopefully all will go well.
-E

P.S. I have been listening to the new Adele CD and let me tell you. HOLY CRAP IS SHE AMAZING! Her voice is jazzy and fresh with great lyrics to back it all up. You should really go youtube or myspace her right now! :)