Just, a lot of things

So yeah my blog has been kept alive by txt posts that I have made and some that I should not have made :/ But for better or worse I am still wanting to keep this going.

The past two weeks or so have been quite shitty in all honesty. Not in all areas of my life but for my heart first and foremost.

Around mid august Adam ended things with me. About a week after we talked and he told me that amongst the reasons he decided to end things was that he had cheated on me with a friend of his. That was an intense conversation.

Since he ended things we have kept in touch. I took some time to heal but that time was cut short when I went back to talking with him because I wanted to emotionally be there for him. He was having a tough time with things and ignoring my own emotional well being I started back talking with him for hours at a time, most nights. That soon went to every night as it was when we were together.

I will post this now (having written the previous paragraphs a few days ago) because I am not sure when I will finish the rest.

A few closing things. I find tears and crying to be cathartic as of late. A drive home from work last week entailed crying the whole way home after a stressful day of work and another 30 minutes once I arrived home. My emotional self is trying to purge itself of sorrow and grief. When trying to process how much we gave to each other, all I gave to him... That shakes me so deep within myself... I guess an adequate analogy would be that the pain feels like it is coming from my bones.

That is all for now.

I need rest and to not think for a while.


These are for boxes now, to be put away... to heal